I have an online dating profile.
Well, I have had one on and off for the past little while. However, I find that I start up a profile thinking, "YEAAA, WHERE DEM MEN AT" and then being horribly disappointed when it dawns on me that online dating is even worse than real-life dating.
My view of the whole phenomenon is epitomized in this internet meme:
I always have such high expectations in the people I am speaking with. I mean, everyone is looking for someone who is fairly intelligent, modest, good-looking but not knowing that he's good looking... you know, the works. Actually someone like this, per se:
But, because this is me we are talking about, it's almost always this:
Without further ado, I shall recite you the pure poetry of messages I have received from potential suitors:
(Disclaimer: These are not edited in the slightest.)
"Have you ever played Xiangqi (Chinese Chess)?" (Award for the most random message.)
"Hey are you pink or red inside?" (HOW AWFUL IS THAT)
"omg your like my worse enemy!!" (Yes, yes I am. You should probably take a course or seven on English Grammar. White boy.)
"I wanna floss with your pubic hair." (I should definitely call this guy, right? Seems incredibly chivalrous.)
"Who lies more girls or guys?" (Your dumb questions are not worth my time. NEXT.)
And the message that went straight to the point of asking me about my ethnicity:
"R U terrorist?" (OBVIOUSLY, COME ON, I'M BROWN, RIGHT?)
....
This post speaks for itself. I might start an online-dating therapy group, let me know if you would like to join.
Giggle snort.
ReplyDelete