Textual Relations: Part Deux

Alright, I have to admit that a few days after I had written my first post about online dating, I ended up getting a slew of new messages that were sub par. If you guys haven't read the first post, stop reading this immediately and scroll down until you see the first "Textual Relations". All the while, reading other posts along the way. This is not a shameless plug. :)

By the way, did I say sub par? I mean, they were getting increasingly nightmare-ish. Some of these people could have given Freddy Krueger a run for his money.

It's like these people knew I had a blog in which I make fun of them.

Behold:

"So a Bear and a Rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The Bear turns to the Rabbit and says, ''Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?'' To which the Rabbit replies, ''No.'' So the Bear wiped his ass with the Rabbit."  (Was that supposed to be a joke? Try harder.)

"Comedy?! Any good jokes?!
I've got one for ya. What's got two legs and bleeds? Half a cat."    (WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE? BECAUSE IF YOU MUST KNOW, I DON'T FIND ANIMAL ABUSE FUNNY. NEITHER DO MOST PEOPLE.)

"Your way prettier than I am, but I bet my scarves are nicer." ( .... I don't even want to go there.)

"Hey im only a 7 but i make 300 k a year, so that counts for something rite?"  (Seriously?! How do  you make $300, 000 a year, when you can't properly string words together in a sentence? Where have I gone wrong, world?!)

"So im guessing your from Pakistan, an i right?"  (Well, you're getting closer, but no cigar.)

"Hey, you are cute like a little kitten. Wanna play a game? And no, it’s not sexual before you think that’s what I’m insinuating you perv."  (Did a pedophile just insult me?)

"Hey I was thinking of robbing a bank, fleeing down to the oceanfront, driving off a cliff, and faking my own death this week (SCUBA tanks in trunk), are you in?"  (Actually, I might have said yes to that. I like a little danger sometimes.)

This was the only message that I was impressed with, out of the gems I received: 

"Are U East Indian?"  (YAY SOMEONE GOT IT RIGHT!)


Also, one of my friends sent me a link which is poignant to what I have written here. Bad online-dating victims, unite.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/more-okcupid-messages-that-diminish-my-faith-in-love-and-humanity/

When should I start the support group? Name a time and place, my friends. It's going to be a long and arduous healing process.